If the phrase "pulling my hair out" was literal, I would be bald.

Sunday we had a family talk about respect and appreciation. I have felt very unappreciated and the kids have shown very little respect. Today I saw how much they listened and learned from our discussion. I can't find a library book. I hate it when I can't find library books, it is probably a sick source of pride that I keep track of 50+ library books and am relatively good at getting them back on time and not losing them. I regress. I couldn't find a library book and it was due today. It was one of Mia's books (the title is "what color should I be. Cute but elusive book). I looked for the book for about 1.5 hours but was unable to find the book. When the kids came home I asked the to help me find the book and we all looked for about 5 minutes before the complaints started. Well Brock and Gwen complained, Maddie, Liam and Mia just stopped looking except to pretend for a second when I was reminding them to work. Here is a sprinkling of what I heard from the older two for the next 20 minutes. The complaints were pretty constant the whole time, many repeated over and over.

"Why do I have to look for this book, I didn't check it out"

"Maddie isn't looking as hard as me"

"Why should I have to look in my bedroom, I know it isn't there"

"Mia should have to find the book, it's her fault"

"I am tired of looking"

Why do we always have to do whatever you want us to"

"I already looked why should I look more"

"Why do we have to work all day every day"

And the clincher, this one send me over the edge:

"Mom probably wouldn't have even given us anything if we had found the book. She probably would have just said thank you and not even given us a skittle. She never gives us anything."

I pretty much spend my life doing things for them. I volunteer in 4 different classrooms every week. I have spent more on each of my children for clothes/shoes in the last year than on myself in the last 5. But none of this matters, all they see is me doing what is "owed" to them and not even getting that right most of the time since every night I cook a dinner that at least one of my kids hates and they don't have nearly the toys/games/fun their friends have.

There are wonderful things about motherhood and I find that I appreciate my 6th child so much more and enjoy my role but there are also some major downers and this is one of them.